


do i wanna know?

by najaeminnie



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, guess what song it's based on, kinda one sided kinda not, maybe hyuck is a bitch idk, mayhaps with a happy ending, this stuff hurted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 03:52:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14708564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/najaeminnie/pseuds/najaeminnie
Summary: was sorta hoping that you'd stay.





	1. have you got colour in your cheeks

**Author's Note:**

> Strap yourself in, you're in for a wild ride

He used to blush a lot. Blush at everything people said - be it a compliment, an innuendo or the influence of alcohol, he always had colour on his cheeks. He told people that it's because he uses a lot of blush to make him look more alive, but Mark knew better.

Because he used to blush at Mark's words the most. Even a simple "you look pretty today" had the most beautiful effect. And so Mark said it daily, with different variations - stunning, mesmerising, ethereal, irresistible, alluring, each never failing to get the desired effect. He knew that Donghyuck would never admit the fact that he loved those words so he kept saying them and told himself that he'll never stop saying them, no matter what happened.

Before his words made him blush it was his presence. Mark could easily notice the boy's stuttering and awkward shuffling whenever he went over to talk to his friend Jeno, who also happened to be the boy's best friend. Donghyuck would blush almost instantly and once when they made eye contact the boy rather embarrassingly choked on his own spit. He wasn't seen around Jeno for a month after that, just in case Mark decided to show up again.

It was inevitable that Donghyuck had to go back to Jeno, he couldn't eat lunch alone for any longer. And when Mark came over, he was ready.

☾

At first, Donghyuck was paranoid. Paranoid about Mark's intentions and his every move. He doubted everything that happened after he held Mark's stare for longer than a millisecond and saw Mark smile at him.

He didn't know that Mark liked him too, so when Mark asked him out a month after they made eye contact, all hell broke loose. Donghyuck ran over to Jeno's house faster than he ever has and slammed into the boy's room at full force, surprising Jeno and making him spill hot chocolate over his ripped jeans, resulting in many thigh burns that Mark isn't sure Jeno ever forgave. Donghyuck cried from happiness and shock as Jeno tried his best to rub the boy's head and ice over his burnt thighs simultaneously.

Of course Donghyuck accepted, but the paranoia never really left. He was afraid that Mark was taking him out as a dare since no one knew Donghyuck and he kept to himself. To him it was easily possible for someone to dare Mark to kiss 'that quiet tan boy' but Mark just laughed when he found out and kissed Donghyuck harder. There were also more deserving people all around Donghyuck - the head girl was clearly more suitable for Mark than him, even if Mark said no, no, stop. Despite all of Mark's reassurances the fear still stuck around the back of Donghyuck's mind.

☾

Donghyuck had many advantages over Mark - he was smarter and more talented in just about everything except sports, the one thing Mark was good at. Mark loved hearing Donghyuck sing his favourite songs in his unique high tone that Mark has never heard before. Donghyuck was shy at first, of course, but over a few weeks he became more and more confident and was soon asking Mark to listen to him practice for his solo that he got during their senior play. Mark thought that Donghyuck was the most talented boy he ever met and that everyone else was below him, no matter how much better their technique was or how much greater their vocal range was compared to the boy. He always looked at Donghyuck proudly whenever he sang, even if he was humming. One time, when Donghyuck was singing his final solo for their school's Annie production, they made eye contact and Donghyuck smiled at him right from the stage. People around him turned to each other in an attempt to figure out who the boy was smiling at but Mark knew and smiled back with glistening eyes.

He soon figured out that where he thought that Donghyuck was innocent, he could easily play with his heart. The endless school musicals gave Donghyuck the confidence he previously lacked and made him more daring than ever before. Donghyuck constantly talked to other boys and leaned in close while making sure that Mark was watching, knowing how jealous Mark got and Mark could only glare back. Donghyuck had many aces up his sleeve.

☾

Mark didn't know how deep in he was until the day he got a call from Donghyuck's mum saying that the boy is at the local hospital. Mark didn't hear the rest as he dashed out of the classroom and unable to hear his teacher's loud shouts after him. As he ran to the hospital he thought of about fifteen scenarios in his head, all of which ended in the thing he feared the most - death. Unintentionally, tears started streaming down Mark's face as he began to feel the excruciating pain of his now burning leg muscles. By the time he got to Donghyuck’s room he could barely walk. He stumbled in to see Donghyuck lying peacefully on the hospital bed with his leg raised up in a cast, reading a textbook.

"What the fuck," Mark screeched, voice unexpectedly high from lack of breath.

"You look a bit...dishevelled." Donghyuck says as he glances him up and down, focusing on the way Mark's hair is sticking to his forehead. He thinks Mark is cute.

"What happened to you?"

"A car kinda, uh, bumped me a bit." Donghyuck says and gestures to his leg cast.

Mark falls to his knees from exhaustion and relief.

☾

He dreams about Hyuck often. Dates and deaths and laughs and tears; he experiences their life through dreaming. Somehow, every dream makes him fall deeper into Hyuck. Until one dream about Hyuck cheating makes him doubt everything for a whole morning. Hyuck's smile quickly dissipates it all.

☾

Soon, Mark learns that Donghyuck has secrets. It happens when Donghyuck shows up to school with red puffy eyes and refuses to tell Mark what's wrong. He asks Jeno who says that it's not his story to tell. The next day Donghyuck is back to his normal, bright self - making jokes and kissing Mark on the cheek every five minutes. They dodge the topic for weeks.

Until one day Mark hears a knock on his first floor window at 2am. He's terrified but peeks through the gap in the curtain anyway and is surprised to see Donghyuck staring back at him with stripes of tears on his cheeks being reflected in the moonlight. That night, while hugging Hyuck from behind as the lay on Mark's bed, he learns that Donghyuck's dad has been committing corporate fraud in his company for years and was finally caught the day Donghyuck came to school crying. That night the court sentenced him to 10 years in prison.

☾

Mark and Hyuck both loved music, so naturally they listened to it together. Hyuck had always wanted for them to have a 'couple anthem' but Mark simply refused to sing Gee with the younger every day which resulted in Hyuck pouting whenever he asked. Maybe Mark said no just so Hyuck would pout, but he'd never tell.

Hyuck never told him what song reminded him of Mark no matter how much he asked, telling him that it's embarrassing. But Mark knew the song that made him think of Hyuck very well, and he listened to its magical tune every night.

_Spotlight, bad baby, you've got a flair_  
_For the violentest kind of love anywhere out there_  
_Mon amour, sweet child of mine_  
_You're divine_  
_Didn't anyone ever tell you_  
_It's okay to shine?_

Until he fell asleep, dreaming of his favourite boy.

☾

Time was put to a stop with only a few words that escaped Donghyuck's lips on the last day of their summer break before college.

"Do you think we should take a break from each other?"

Mark spun his head around to Donghyuck who sat next to him on a bench in the park.

"W-what do you mean?" Mark stuttered.

Hyuck avoided Mark's gaze. "Just, like, for college. We can focus on studying and maybe experiment a bit."

Mark felt a pang in his chest. "Experiment? On what? Our relationship?" Tears fill up his eyes.

Donghyuck turned to face Mark and grabbed his face on both sides. "No, no Mark, just to see if this is right. Think about it, if after three years I only have you in my heart then this is the most perfect thing in my life. I'll let you marry me, take me away anywhere, we can do whatever we want because I'll know you're the only one right for me. But in the meantime I want to make sure you are."

Mark has never doubted Donghyuck until this moment, but he loves Hyuck, so he simply says "okay."

That night he opened three bottles his father's finest wines, not thinking about the consequences, and drinks them within 2 hours. He falls asleep on a settee in their living room, wine glass falling out if his hand and spilling the remains on the floor.

☾

About a month into college and Mark hasn't heard from Donghyuck. After Mark's answer Hyuck kissed him one last time and left him sitting on that damned bench without saying goodbye. Mark wasn't sure what he expected but it wasn't silence. He wanted to pretend that he didn't feel his fingers twitch to check his phone during every waking hour and that he didn't dream of having Hyuck in his arms every night, but he did and it was tearing him apart.

Why didn't he argue? How could he just say okay? What was Hyuck doing now? Was he seeing someone already?

He throws his phone at the wall on impulse and sees it light up. His heart stops. He slowly moves towards it, as if it's a wild tiger and picks it up. Pressing the home button, he realises that his phone died.

☾

They never told each other how they truly felt, apart from the occasional 'I like yous' whispered into each other's ears, and Mark wasn't sure if he wanted to know.

☾

Mark was sad to see Hyuck go. Thoughts of the boy tormented him every day. He made a few friends and went out to endless parties, trying to lose himself in clubs and drinks and girls and boys. They stopped asking him why he's always down a while ago. It's not that they didn't care - Mark would just say it's nothing. No one knew about Hyuck here and Mark wanted to keep it this way. Someone once said that the boy on his lockscreen is cute and if looks could kill, the girl would be long gone.

He wondered if Hyuck ever thought about him and it gave him hope. He must admit that he tried to search the boy up several times but he deleted all his social media. He regularly visited Hyuck's college Facebook page to see if the ran boy's face would appear anywhere and in January it finally did.

"Pics From New Year's Parties in the Dorms: Vote for Your Favourite."

Mark scrolled through photos of drunk guys dressed in ladybird costumes, girls dressed as vampires and random people that probably don't even go to the college, until he found his boy. In the corner of a photo of two girls with makeup smeared all over their faces, clearly near the end of the night, was Hyuck. Hyuck was pinned against the wall by a muscled boy who was kissing his neck and Hyuck seemed to be enjoying it. Mark slammed his laptop shut and grabbed his jacket. He did the same with a random boy he met at a club for the rest of night.

He still hoped that Hyuck would stay.

☾

Two nights later Mark was staring at the pitch black ceiling. He regretted saying okay more and more every day. He hated the way his follow up thought to any Hyuck-related thought was to go and find someone to sleep with.

He grabbed his phone and went to his contact list. A photo of Donghyuck glowing in the sun as he smiles right at the camera, taken on the day of their high school graduation stared back at him. Mark's eyes sting. Why was he still so attached? The number was his only link to Hyuck.

Before he knew it, he pressed the call button and closed his eyes. Panic settled in only a few seconds later when he realised what he's doing. The phone fell from his hands and he scrambled to pick it up.

 _"Hello?"_ Mark's breath hitched. Loud music blasted through the speaker and he heard Hyuck's laugh that he missed so much.

 _"Hellooooooo,"_ Donghyuck dragged. Mark thought that he probably didn't check who was calling.

"Hyuck." He says.

Silence greeted him as he heard the music get quieter. Hyuck moved somewhere.

 _"Mark?"_ It's been ages since Mark last heard his name being said in the special, Hyuck way, and his heart rate increased rapidly.

"Yeah."

More silence.

 _"Are you alright? It's 3am..."_ Hyuck said and Mark could imagine the boy's frown at that moment. The thought made him smile.

"Yeah, yes, I'm fine."

 _"Oh. What did you want then?"_ Mark's heart broke at how harsh the sentence was. Hyuck probably didn't intend it to sound that way.

"I...I just wanted to say..." Mark pinched his nose. Must he really say it now? Better now than never.

_"Yeah?"_

Mark gathers up the last bit of courage and pride he has left.

"I love you, Donghyuck." His first ever love confession. Said at 3am and not even face to face. This was not his plan at all.

The line stayed quiet for about a minute. Mark's pulse had never been higher than then.

_"Mark...go to sleep."_

The call ends.

☾☾☾


	2. crawling back to you

Mark wasn't seen around for the next week. His friends stopped calling after the first two days since Mark avoided even looking at his phone. He lay in bed staring up at the ceiling, just like he did that night. He hated himself for ever meeting Donghyuck. He cursed fate, God, his school and even his parents for ever meeting the boy.    
  
Wasn't it meant to be the other way around? Wasn't Hyuck the shy and fragile one? When did the tables turn?   
  
Mark never expected this to happen. As cheesy and unrealistic as it sounds, he hoped that him and Donghyuck would stay in love forever and stay together throughout their college life.    
  
He still hasn't thought about the day time stopped properly. Why did Hyuck suddenly ask for a break? Was he bored of Mark? Was he tired of Mark always being with the school council and having less and less time for Hyuck every day? Did Mark not show that he loved him enough?    
  
Looking back at it, Mark realises everything that he did wrong, detail by detail. He should've called more, should've hugged and kissed the boy more, should've said fuck the council and be with Hyuck instead but it's too late now. If Mark had a chance before he definitely ruined it now.    
  
He drowned himself in studying and doing any jobs he could so he could come back to his dorm and drop straight into his bed, not allowing him to have spare any time to think about Donghyuck. Eventually he loosened up - went to parties again and joined a badminton club. He went back to Canada and visited his old friends. For a few months he was genuinely happy and to the outside world it seemed that whatever bothered him at the start of the year has finally subsided which made his new friends pleased and relieved.   
  
No one knew that, in the back of his mind, he always had the thought that if a certain boy called he'd come crawling back to him in a heartbeat.   
  
☾   
  
Summer goes by in a flash. Mark decided to travel across the country with his friends with all of them pretending to not care about their loans. He went from hot to cold, from crocodiles to deer, from laughing to tears when he broke his ankle while skateboarding in Florida, but he had fun. The number of times he thought about Donghyuck drastically decreased and there were times when he thought that, perhaps, it was time to move on. He shook the thought from his head when Hyuck's voice saying 'break' popped up in his mind. The only thing he took a break from was being content with life after they left for college.    
  
It was January when Mark decided to confess to a girl he liked. Mar was a popular girl from his music class that was well known for her bubbly attitude that dragged everyone, including Mark, in. He gathered up the last of his courage and walked up to her with flowers behind his back and a shy smile on his face. He confessed to Mar on the first anniversary of his confession to Donghyuck, and Mar accepted it.   
  
They've been going out for seven months and Mark felt happier than ever before, even happier than he was with Hyuck. Day by day he forgot small details about the boy he used to love; his favourite song, his voice, his laugh. He repressed them as far as possible in his mind. Donghyuck was becoming extinct in Mark's heart - or so he liked to think.   
  
He still dreamt about the boy at least once a week. The other would always be with someone else and Mark would often wake up in tears, not daring to call Mar in the middle of the night. She didn't know about Donghyuck and Mark wanted to keep it that way. Sometimes she asked why he seemed upset but Mark would, as always, say that it's nothing and she'd nod and carry on making notes.   
  
He wasn't lying because Hyuck was nothing to him anymore, as he kept telling himself. So he moved on with his life.    
  
The second year of college soon ended without Mark having any sort of contact with Donghyuck. He was convinced that the boy had forgotten about him by now and tried to accept that fact. He had Mar and was almost content with his life.   
  
During the summer he went back to his hometown to stay with his parents. Nothing much changed; the trees and buildings were the same, the same old ladies worked at the shops and smiled at him, asking him to show a photo of his girlfriend. They often asked him about how Donghyuck was doing, to which Mark had to answer that they've lost contact over the years and the ladies nodded in understanding.   
  
He hung out with Jeno a few times. He never asked about Donghyuck and Mark was grateful for that. He learned that Jeno was dating a guy that he really liked for a while and Mark was overjoyed. Jeno had always been popular at school but, to everyone's confusion, had never dated anyone, so for him to date someone, a guy at that, came as a big surprise. Mark noted that Jeno didn't talk a lot about the boy and didn't overshare anything. He shuffled and blushed a lot, as if nervous, which Mark found endearing. Mark also didn't reveal much, simply saying that he was dating a pretty girl that he really liked and that everything was going well. Jeno seemed relieved and Mark figured it's because his friend is glad that he's over Donghyuck. He was glad to have a friend like Jeno.   
  
"He's coming back to town." Jeno says one day when they're lying on the grass in Jeno's garden, trying their best to get a summer tan. Mark immediately knew who. He wanted to pretend that there was no lump in his throat and that his heart rate didn't speed up but he'd be lying.   
  
"Oh."    
  
Jeno turned to face Mark, holding up his head with his arm. "You're okay with it right? I mean, you don't have to see him or anything."    
  
Mark gave him a small, what he thought was reassuring, smile. "Of course I'm okay. He's not gonna bite me." They laughed at the thought but both knew that Mark is afraid of Hyuck doing more than just biting.   
  
They didn't see each other until three days later when Mark was at their town's small market showing the vegetable stall's owner a photo of Mar after she asked.    
  
"She's really beautiful, Mark. Good for you." She smiled at him fondly.    
  
Mark looked down at his phone at and smiled, silently agreeing.   
  
"Yeah, she is."    
  
Mark jumped at the voice behind his shoulder and spun around to see that Lee Donghyuck himself was peering at his phone over his shoulder. The stall lady coughs awkwardly and greets the next customer.   
  
They looked at each other as if meeting for the first time. Their eyes never left each other's until Hyuck looked Mark up and down, scrutinising him, but Mark couldn't stop looking at the boy. It's like Mar no longer existed; his world was right in front of him after 2 years.    
  
"You changed your hair." Hyuck said.   
  
Mark automatically lifted his hand to touch his newly dark blonde hair. "Yeah, before the summer started."   
  
Hyuck smiled. "It suits you. You look hot." He said and  _ winked _ . Mark was left breathless. What was Donghyuck playing at? He had no idea but he'll take it.   
  
"So...how have you been?" He asked, not knowing how to start the conversation.   
  
Donghyuck began to walk towards the fruit stall. "I've been around. I'm sure you have too." He said without looking at Mark.    
  
"Yeah, I have. Um, how's your degree?" Mark watched Hyuck pick up pears and judging them as if he's an expert.   
  
"Design is fun, but I think music would've been better."    
  
Mark was surprised to hear that. "Wait, you dropped music? But you love music!"   
  
Donghyuck put down the pears and turned to face Mark, looking up right at his eyes. "Yeah, I do. I did. But it reminded me too much of someone," he said and went to look at bananas, "so I dropped it for the only other thing I'm good at, which happens to be design."   
  
Mark couldn't believe what he was hearing. Did Donghyuck drop his music degree which he looked forward to for  _ years _  just because of Mark? Did he hate Mark so much that he didn't want to do anything that made him think about them or was he just sad that he wasn't with Mark?   
  
"When did you drop it?" Mark at least wanted to know how much Hyuck managed to get through.   
  
Hyuck let out a quiet laugh. "January, first year."   
  
January, first year.   
  
"Oh."   
  
"Yeah."   
  
Donghyuck ditched the fruits to walk to the sweet stall. Mark followed, too deep in his thoughts to realise that Donghyuck didn't even like sweets.   
  
"About January..." he began.   
  
Donghyuck's arm froze in mid air as he was reaching for a lollipop. He brought it back to his side and turned to Mark once again. Mark didn't dare to look at Donghyuck. He still felt embarrassed and rejected. All the sadness he felt nearly two years ago washed over him. He suddenly felt angry.   
  
"Why didn't you say something?" He snapped.    
  
"I did," Donghyuck said.   
  
"You told me to go to sleep! I confessed and you told me to sleep!" Mark's voice echoed through the market. People were turning to look at the two and Hyuck gave them awkward smiles. He grabbed Mark's arm and dragged him outside where he leaned against the wall, Mark in front of him.   
  
"I'm sorry that I couldn't say it back. I can't imagine how much that must've hurt you." Donghyuck's voice was suddenly much softer than before and Mark felt his eyes tear up.   
  
"You ruined a year of my life." He replied.   
  
Donghyuck looked up at him. "I know, and I regretted not saying anything countless times. But what did you expect? I was at a party, half high, miserable, and suddenly you call and tell me you love me? I was too confused to speak and I couldn't be asked to think. So I said the first thing that came to my mind which was the fact that normal, non-miserable people should be asleep."    
  
"I was miserable." Mark said quietly.   
  
"I figured that out after I sobered up and realised what I did," Hyuck said and dropped Mark's gaze, "but we're both better now. You have a pretty girlfriend and I'm happy too. All is well."   
  
Mark frowned, knowing that it was a lie. "You do know that if you said you wanted to be with me I'd drop her in a heartbeat."   
  
Hyuck smiled at that, knowing that Mark loved him unconditionally like a fool. "You shouldn't be like that with people. Don't throw them away because you like someone else more, think about her feelings too."    
  
"You did exactly that with me. A bit hypocritical of you, don't you think?" Mark felt his blood boil, "Did you ever consider my feelings?"   
  
Donghyuck's smile dropped. "I-I try. I tried. I don't know what I want but now is not the time. Stick with me for another year." A tear fell down the boy's cheek.   
  
"So you can experiment more while I force myself to like someone?!" Mark shouted and Donghyuck flinched, Mark had never shouted at him before. "You're the only one who's enjoying this Hyuck. I hate every second of it." Mark turned around and walked away.   
  
Donghyuck's eyes followed him until his vision became blurred with tears. He pushed himself off the wall and took out his phone, calling one of the hundreds of numbers he had saved.   
  
"Hey, wanna meet up?"   
  
☾   
  
It was his last night home for the summer and he's glad. He's glad that he doesn't have to be around Donghyuck anymore. Since their last argument they've met more than a couple of times across their small town - in the shops, at the park, on each other's streets, and every time their eye contact would last no longer than a second. He liked to think that Hyuck looked guilty but, knowing the new him, he probably didn't.    
  
Returning to college for his last year was bittersweet. He'll finally get his music degree but he doesn't know what he'll do with it. It's like everyone was right all along - there's really nothing to do in music. His and Hyuck's old plan was to audition for a few companies and maybe one would take both of them in and they would debut together. Mark wasn't sure this plan will work anymore.   
  
He couldn't hate Donghyuck no matter how much he wanted to and he still had hope that the boy loved him back somewhere deep in his heart. Moving back meant that he'll be states away from Donghyuck once again, never to be heard from. He wonders if Donghyuck will still follow through with his promise of talking in a year and thinks of possible scenarios of what would happen. He suddenly itched to talk to the boy and hold him in his arms for their last night close to each other. Regret filled Mark; he wasted all this time being bitter about Hyuck's words when they could've gone out together and, if he was lucky, rekindled their relationship.   
  
His phone rang. Checking the alarm clock next to him, Mark saw that it's 1am and panicked at the thought that one of his friends may have been in an accident.    
  
Without checking the caller, he picked up the phone.    
  
"Hello?" His voice was high pitched with fear.   
  
_"Mark."_ He wasn't expecting this voice.   
  
There's an odd sense of deja vu.   
  
"What."   
  
_"Umm, I'm drunk."_   
  
"I can tell."    
  
_"I wanted to call you and tell you,"_ Mark hears a hiccup at the other end of the line.   
  
"What? Are you okay?"   
  
_"Yeah, I wanted to tell you you're an idiot,"_ Mark scoffed. What did he expect? " _but I still...ah I'm going to pass_ _out."_ He hears shuffling and a phone smashing on the ground.    
  
So of course Mark ran.   
  
\-----   
  
Mark stayed the night at the hospital fearing the worst even if he found Hyuck just passed out on a bench at the park.    
  
He woke up to his phone ringing. Mar was calling him and the realisation that he should've been at college by then hit him quickly. He dragged his hand across his sleepy face as he tried his best to come up with a plausible excuse.   
  
_"Where are you?"_ She sounded mad.   
  
"I'm on the way."   
  
_"You should've been here by now."_   
  
"There's an accident on the highway so I'm stuck in traffic."   
  
_"Oh. When will you be here?"_ So many questions.    
  
"I don't know, Mar, I'll get there eventually won't I?"    
  
_"Hey what's up? You sound mad."_   
  
Mark started to get annoyed. "So do you but I don't question it. You're always mad at something, can't you let me live a little?"    
  
The line is silent for a few moments. "I don't know what's up with you but you better sort it out before you get off that road." The girl snapped and ended the call.   
  
Mark's hand twitched to throw the phone but he put it in the back pocket of his jeans and walked towards Hyuck's room instead.   
  
He remembered the last time he was here and smiles at how, years later, he's still in the exact same position.    
  
Still busy; busy with life and being in love with Hyuck.


	3. so have you got the guts

The short hospital stay was much more silent that Mark expected, much to his frustration. Donghyuck was awake and sobered up by the time Mark entered his room and they made awkward eye contact as Mark sat down on a chair next to the bed.  
  
Once the eye contact broke there was no talking apart from a simple 'thanks' muttered by Donghyuck, to which Mark only nodded. Both had things to say that never escaped their lips. The room was clouded with thoughts and feelings and yet both remained silent and avoided each other's eyes. At one point Mark grabbed Donghyuck's hand on impulse but the boy quickly dragged it out of the grasp, whispering a 'no'. Mark pretended it didn't hurt.  
  
At about 9am Jeno burst into the room, running straight to Donghyuck and not noticing Mark. The boy grabbed Hyuck's hand, which Hyuck also dragged away and Jeno looked just as confused as Mark. Somehow the action made Mark feel better since Donghyuck didn't reject only Mark's affection, he also rejected their best friend's affection and he hasn't done anything to hurt Hyuck.  
  
The thought calmed Mark's mind as he got ready to leave. Jeno let out a surprised gasp when he realised that Mark was there and they gave each other an awkward nod, not knowing how to communicate in the presence of Donghyuck. Mark knew that Jeno must have felt uncomfortable with the three of them together in one place after two years.  
  
Mark stood up and put on his jacket. "Uh, I gotta go, I was meant to be at college already."  
  
He didn't want to look at Hyuck but he had to. He saw both Jeno and Donghyuck staring back at him, Jeno looked confused while Donghyuck looked... _upset_ ? His expression tore at Mark's heartstrings and at that moment he would've given anything to stay there, with Donghyuck, forever. He felt at peace when near him, like he belonged with him. He knew it was twisted and wrong for someone to have so much power over a person but Mark was sure that Donghyuck didn't do it intentionally - he wasn't a cruel person.  
  
Mark didn't know why Donghyuck started this but there, turning back his back to the two boys and opening the door, he decided that he'll wait for another year. But that will be it.  
  
He heard a soft "bye Mark" from behind him but the door was closing and it was too late to decipher who said it.  
  
☾  
  
He didn't know if he had the guts.  
  
The guts to meet Donghyuck again. Having finished his degree and miraculously gotten a job at a studio in LA, facing Donghyuck was his last problem. The final boss.  
  
They hadn't talked for the entirety of their final year at college. Somewhere along the line Mark broke up with Mar, with him jokingly saying that their names were too similar. They were still friends and hung out with each other from time to time. She had a new girlfriend whom she talked about with such enthusiasm that Mark found himself rooting for the two while knowing that his own future was uncertain.  
  
Soon it was August and Mark was starting to get worried. Donghyuck didn't clarify what the date when their 'three year break' ended. He was hoping that it'll come soon, but at the same time he didn't want it to.  
  
Because what would he do if Donghyuck didn't want him anymore? He had no plans whatsoever; somehow his life ended up revolving around Donghyuck as if he was the sun which, in a way, he was.  
  
As the third anniversary of the day on the bench came closer, Mark only thought of Hyuck. Everything he remembered about the boy, everything that could possibly go wrong, everything that he will say to defend himself. He couldn't find it in himself to be angry at Donghyuck anymore. Maybe Donghyuck will say it back this time.  
  
That 'maybe' was a burden on Mark's shoulders. Still no one in his life outside of his hometown knew about Hyuck. He didn't want to think about how their relationship would work now that they lived on different coasts because as long as he knew the boy loved him, everything would be fine.  
  
He worked in the studio day and night, helping out with everything he could, so he could take his mind off Hyuck, just like he did all those years ago. Times have changed and every day Mark felt increasingly more confused about his feelings as the day came nearer and nearer.  
  
☾  
  
It's week before D-day and Mark is busier than ever before. He's producing an album for a new rapper, Taeyong, that he loves working with and acts like he doesn't enjoy all the subtle flirting they have between them. His distractions seem to finally be working as he doesn't spare a second for thoughts of Donghyuck.  
  
Taeyong asks him on a date and Mark thinks, _fuck it_ , and agrees. He has nothing to lose. If Donghyuck wants him, then so be it, but he's not about to waste his chance of going out with this prince of a man. He convinces himself that Taeyong isn't a Plan B - he's Plan A 2.0.  
  
The date is successful and Mark even receives a peck on the cheek which results in a light tint on his cheeks. Taeyong tells him he's cute and Mark feels butterflies in his stomach like he's sixteen again. After the evening he loosens his tie, as they went to a fancy restaurant that only Taeyong could afford, and flops on his bed with a smile on his face. Maybe this is his new beginning.  
  
Right as the thought hits him, his phone rings. Mark's heart crashes and his smile drops. He laughs at the silly thoughts he had of him somehow being able to escape his fate. But, surely, no one is able to escape fate.  
  
So he picks up the phone, not checking who's calling because he knows. Call it intuition.  
  
"Donghyuck."  
  
_"Mark."_  
  
Silence. A few breaths exchanged.  
  
" _Want to meet up?"_ Donghyuck says.  
  
"Is it time?" Mark says with a laugh. He suddenly thinks that he's an idiot for saying that, for waiting that long. What kind of a fool must he be to wait for a boy that broke up with him while calling it a break?  
  
_"Yeah."_ Hyuck pauses. _"So...on the day?"_  
  
The day doesn't need to be clarified - they both know it well.  
  
Mark has a date on that day that he agreed to without thinking, but that can wait. This will be the most important day of his life.  
  
"Okay."  
  
_"See you."_  
  
☾  
  
He pays for a plane ticket to his hometown and looks out of the window for the whole 2 hour flight in an  attempt to calm his mind.  
  
He arrives at 9am and gets a taxi home, jittering his leg nervously during the ride to the point where the driver asks him to stop because it's distracting.  
  
Mark digs out his house key, throws his bags on his bed and runs out of the house, barely managing to shout a quick 'hi' to parents.  
  
He runs to the park, knowing that _he_ will be there, waiting for him. They didn't set a time but he ran anyway.  
  
And sure enough, there, on the now chipped green bench, sat the only boy he ever loved. Glowing in the sun as always.  
  
Mark hid half of himself behind a tree like a child and watched Donghyuck from afar. He suddenly didn't want to move or breathe. Maybe he should turn around and go home before it's too late. Doing so will finally mean game over for them both. No more strings or pain or regrets.  Mark has Taeyong waiting for him back in LA, he could leave right now and never look back.  
  
His fate sat waiting for him on the chipped green bench and he could throw it away if he wanted to.  
  
Yet his feet betray him as he comes out from behind the tree and walks towards Donghyuck with shaky legs, mind completely blank. Is Donghyuck's heart still open? Donghyuck has his eyes closed and Mark looks at him for a few more moments until Hyuck senses a presence.  
  
It is in that moment when their eyes meet that Mark realises he did the right thing by coming here. He wants to know what time the boy's heart shuts.  
  
Donghyuck sends him a warm smile.  
  
"Hi."  
  
Mark sits down next to him, keeping a safe distance between them. He'll never feel safe around Donghyuck anymore.  
  
"Hi."  
  
Both take each other in. There's a lightness in the air and the atmosphere is innocent. It feels like they're back in high school again and Mark just confessed. A clean slate.  
  
Mark has the urge to kiss Donghyuck. He never missed anything as much as he missed kissing Donghyuck and he's so tempted. He needs permission.  
  
So he encourages Donghyuck to talk by giving him a weird half nod at which the other laughs.  
  
"So here we are," Donghyuck looks around, "somehow, still."  
  
"Did anything change?" Mark asks, trying his best to keep a calm demeanour.  
  
Donghyuck turns and gives Mark a look that he can't interpret. "Yes, actually, a lot changed."  
  
This is it. Game over.  
  
He looks away into the field. "I could tell you everything that I fucked up but I'm sure you don’t want to hear a long, sad story. My experiments didn't go well either. The only thing I got out of these three years is a degree that I didn't even like and now I'm in a job I hate." Hyuck scoffs.  
  
Mark stays quiet, unsure of what to say.  
  
"You don't have to say anything. I know you didn't have it easy either and I know it's because of me. Asking for a break was impulsive, I was angry at my life being so boring and so constant that I needed to do something about it. But you stuck to me - to my every damn cell. I hated you for it. I hated myself. I hated those entire three years and I hate this situation now."  
  
Mark doesn't realise that he's crying until a drop hits his bare arm. Judging by the way Donghyuck's voice is cracking, the boy is crying too.  
  
"I should stop blabbing," Hyuck sniffs, "that's not why you're here."  
  
Mark continues being silent. Processing what Donghyuck just said is difficult. Somehow the few seconds that pass feel longer than the past three years.  
  
"Mark, we could be together," Mark's head snaps to Donghyuck, "if you wanted to that is." Donghyuck finishes hesitantly.  
  
Mark has never been more sure in his life.  
  
"Yes! YES!" He shouts into the air, pulling Donghyuck into his arms and kissing his head. Donghyuck's giggle heals his heart. He can't believe this is happening. His tears don't stop for what seems like hours as he keeps holding his love close to his heart.  
  
Eventually Donghyuck groans from the pain in his neck and gives Mark the brightest smile he's ever seen. Mark has never been more in love than now. All the pain he went through was worth it and he won't be able to get over it for years. Donghyuck's sins have been forgiven by Mark on an instant. He knows he's a fool but what can he do?  
  
"Hey, wanna go somewhere? Wanna go to the lake?" Donghyuck offers.  
  
Mark thinks about how stupid Donghyuck is to not realise that Mark would go to the end of the world and back for him if he wanted to. He'd die for the boy in front of him.  
  
"Sure," Mark replies with a tear-stained smile. "Do you want to go fishing?"  
  
Donghyuck's eyebrows raise in surprise. "You still have the fishing stuff? I've been wanting to go since forever!"  
  
Mark thought his smile couldn't get any wider but it did. Fishing used to be their thing and now they're bringing it back. "I'll go get the stuff then?" He says, failing to hide his happiness.  
  
"Be back in twenty or else!" Hyuck shouts after Mark who is now running back to his house.

  
☾  
  
Mark doesn't see Donghyuck crying on the bench for the next ten minutes and cursing all the gods in the world. Mark doesn't see him pick up his phone and call an unknown number. He doesn't hear Donghyuck thinking that Mark will never love him again, that he's gone too far, that Mark deserves better.

He does see a boy approaching Donghyuck from a distance. He sees Donghyuck throw himself into the boy's arms with a tear-striken face and shaking shoulders. He feels his fishing rods drop. 

Mark sees the boy's face when he kisses Donghyuck's tears away. He turns around and walks away.  
  
He doesn't hear Donghyuck cry "Jeno, I fucked up."  
  
He doesn't hear Donghyuck whisper "I love you" to no one in particular.  
  
☾☾☾

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This feels rushed but I hope you enjoyed it...umm I kinda wanted you to cry...
> 
> If you don't know what song this was based on then shame on you, [here's the masterpiece](https://youtu.be/bpOSxM0rNPM)
> 
> leave a comment and yell at me and if you have any questions I'll answer them uwU
> 
>  
> 
> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/the7thsensecult) // [twt](https://twitter.com/jaeminahs)


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